In the 13th of June edition of THE TIMES, South African Author Paige Nick and I discussed our views on dating someone younger, morals, wolves, male strippers and where to draw the line.

SHE SAID/HE SAID

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DATING SOMEONE YOUNGER – SHE SAYS:

The other night I went to Beefcakes. It’s a bar, stroke restaurant, stroke cabaret act, stroke the hot waiter if you’re willing to pay for it. They have a fab drag queen act, great burgers, and a string of ripped twenty-something waiters who whip their shirts off so you can drink tequila out of their belly buttons. There were more six-packs in there than at a Solly Kramer’s.

The age of the waiters was a subject of much conversation over at our table. Some of the women have sons just few years younger, which cast a sobering light on the idea of drinking booze out of them.

‘But if you HAD to sleep with one of them, to prevent the world from ending, which one would you pick?’ One friend challenged.

I feel bad about letting you all down, but you should say your goodbyes and stockpile candles, batteries and tinned goods, because I’d never be able to do it. Not because I’m judgy or have moral issues, but because they just don’t do it for me. I wouldn’t be able to ‘get it up’ for a twenty-two year old, if you know what I mean? Sure, they’re cute, one or two of them were even hot, but they lack a certain substance that works for me.

I also can’t imagine how such a youngster could legitimately find me attractive, and for me, much of the appeal of being with someone is sensing their desire.

But it’s all about preferences. A gorgeous 54-year-old close girlfriend of mine was just dating a 26-year-old. She never dates above the 35-year-old mark. Swiping through her Tinder is like paging through a high school yearbook. I’ve often wondered what they talk about? Stuff that’s of importance to me now can’t possibly be of interest to anyone under thirty. Or maybe they’re too busy having hot sex to make small talk.

She says she goes down there because younger men are more energetic, fun, adventurous, eager to learn and have more stamina in bed. Which at this stage is pretty much all the things I’m not looking for.

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DATING SOMEONE YOUNGER – HE SAYS:

I’ve got a friend who has this theory. If you want to woo a woman far younger than you – find out what cologne her dad wears.

I’m reminded of the Wolf and Red-Riding Hood.

The ‘wolf-whistle’ is now considered a type of sexual harassment, something old perverts do when an attractive young woman walks by. These old men are often called slime-bags and predators. Wolves.

In the case of my ‘friend’ – he should probably just be called by his inmate number.

Society is a strange thing, though, and what’s frowned upon seems to change like the weather. It’s common for men to date younger women – but for the sake of the article, I’ll be talking about a considerable age gap. Like, Michael Douglas considerable.

Cougars, Manthers, Sugar-Daddy’s, Cradle-Robbers and May-December romances. Aside from obvious transgressions, it’s pretty difficult these days to know when you’re in the wrong.

I’m not sure how it is for women, but when a man dates somebody significantly younger than he is – he’s going to be getting an equal amount of high-fives and juice-box / baby-sitting jokes from his friends.

In my opinion, so long as nobody is breaking any laws or getting hurt, I don’t see anything wrong with it. With the divorce rate being so high, I can only assume that most people know nothing when it comes to true love, and are far too quick to judge the relationships of others.

People will talk. They will say old people are creepy, young people are immature. They’ll say it’s all about the money or the sex. Watching “To Catch A Predator” together will become an awkward thing. They’ll say you have nothing in common or that she’s got daddy issues. They’ll say it can’t be deep or meaningful.

They’ll be wrong about many of those things, because the heart wants what it wants and if it’s good – it’s good.  To quote Hugh Hefner here seems wildly inappropriate, so I’ll go with Nabokov;

“I knew I had fallen in love with Lolita forever; but I also knew she would not be forever Lolita.”

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Paige Nick is a regular SUNDAY TIMES columnist and the author of “Pens Behaving Badly” and the acclaimed “Death By Carbs” 

Her new novel, Dutch Courage, is out now!

You can catch her blogging at A MILLION MILES FROM NORMAL

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