funny-mother-pole-dancer-stripper

“She was no stripper with a heart of gold, that was for sure. A heart of steel, more like.”

  • Shannon Celebi, The Lion Lies Down with the Lamb

 

I’ve been told my dance style ranges from ‘drunk John Travolta at a braai’  to ‘stripper whose rent is due tomorrow.’  Some songs just wake up our inner ecdysiast.  I don’t care if I’m out doing Christmas shopping in Toys R Us – when The Prodigy comes on I’m insta-Magic Mike up in that bitch. Halfway through Hot Ride and I start thinking, you know what, I don’t need a real job. I could just do this for a living. And then I remember I’m fat and I’m a lousy dancer.

I figure at this point I could just come out on stage wearing nothing but kneepads and people would pay me to put my clothing back on. Like a backwards stripper.

If you’ve ever heard the call of the pole, these playlists are for you.

 

Vol 1.

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  1.  Massive Attack  –  Inertia Creeps
  2.  Peaches  –  Operate
  3.  The Cure  –  Burn
  4.  I Speak Machine  –  My Sex
  5.  Nine Inch Nails X The Beatles  –  Come Closer Together
  6.  Lords of Acid  –  The Most Wonderful Girl
  7.  A Perfect Circle  –  Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums
  8.  Fluke  –  Absurd (Whitewash Remix)
  9.  The Noise ft. Xamplify  –  Shake It
  10.  Felix Da Housecat ft. Poptarts  –  Money, Success, Fame, Glamour
  11.  Garbage  –  #1 Crush
  12.  The Chromatics  –  Lady
  13.  Sweet Tempest  –  Mine
  14.  Rammstein  –  Stripped
  15.  Yeah Yeah Yeah’s  –  Sacrilege
  16.  Win Win ft. Blaqstarr  –  Victim

 

 

Vol 2.

action-pole-dancer-1419522-o

 

 

  1.  Peaches  –  Fuck the Pain Away
  2.  Faithless  –  If Lovin’ You Is Wrong
  3.  2 Live Crew  –  Me So Horny
  4.  Nicki Minaj  –  Anaconda
  5.  Lil Kim ft. 50 Cent  –  Magic Stick
  6.  Iggy Azalea  –  Pu$$y
  7.  Thunderheist  –  Jerk It
  8.  Lloyd  –  Dedication to my Ex
  9.  Ginuwine  –  Pony
  10.  Natalia Kills  –  Problem
  11.  Robin Thicke ft. 2 Chainz  –  Give it 2 U
  12.  Snoop Dogg  –  Wet
  13.  The Weeknd  –  The Hills
  14.  Lady Gaga  –  Teeth
  15.  God-des & She  –  Lick It
  16.  MIDI Mafia  –  Bass

 

 

“The sun rose like a stripper, keeping its glory well covered by cloud till it seemed there’d be no show at all.”

  • Clive Barker
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